Communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. It’s not just about words; it’s about understanding and being understood.
Whilst I have written many posts on the importance of communication I have yet to share with you some practical, actionable steps that you can take to actually improve communication. So here it is. The top 5 things you can do to improve your communication.
But before I get into what those steps are, I want to be clear, this will take time. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable but the more you do it the more you will start to relax. I like to think of it as that awkward first date (especially if your communication is almost non existent outside of daily tasks) – you are starting afresh. So cut yourself some slack and be prepared to be uncomfortable.
Loose the distractions
Put down the phones and turn the tv off. When you are trying to improve your communication give each other the gift of your undivided attention. Don’t be tempted to answer a call or text, or try and do it when you are watching your favourite tv show. Sit down and look at each other and talk.
Find time each day
It doesn’t have to be for long – even 15 minutes is enough to get you started. But the important thing is to find this time before you are both mentally and emotionally exhausted from the day. So ideally this is before the kids are in bed. Now this might not always be practical but remember if you are both exhausted – trying to have even a 5 minute catch up is going to be hard. All it takes is uninterrupted time (including the kids). So in the afternoon or evening send them outside to play, or in their rooms for some inside play and take the time to sit down and catch up with each other.
Be prepared
This is important especially at the start. When you have no idea what you can talk about, have some conversation starters ready. You want to ask open ended questions, questions that require more than a yes/no response to help you keep the conversation going. Yep it might be awkward but it will become less so the more you do this. So keep going! If you need help you can check out this post for a list of conversation starters.
Judgement free time – be curious
This is an important step in improving the communication. This isn’t a time to raise issues or make important decisions. While you are getting better at communicating this time is for just that. Learning to talk and listen. So it is important that anything said during this time is done on the basis that you both understand that it is a judgement free zone. It is a time when you can talk and be curious with each other. Ask questions and talk. Don’t take offence. Ask. Don’t assume. Ask.
Don’t give up
As awkward and uncomfortable as it can be at the start. Don’t give up. The more you do this, the easier it will get and this 1 on 1 time will become second nature.
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