Can you include children in the mediation process? The short answer to this is both yes and no.
Let me give you an example. Let’s talk about Max and Ann; they had two children together. One child was in his teens, and the other was starting school. The separation had not been the nicest, and there was still a lot of hate between them. Unfortunately, Ann and Max were unable to agree on anything. Both Max and Ann stated that the children wanted to live with each of them. It was clear that they wanted the mediation so that the other could hear this. Unfortunately, child inclusive mediation is not appropriate in high conflict situations.
To include children in mediation, you need to be able to listen to your children. It isn’t a tool to “show” the other parent that the children want to live with you over them. This is not the purpose of a child inclusive mediation.
Let’s consider an alternate scenario. This time, Max and Ann wanted their children to attend the mediation to find out how they were feeling and where they could support them. In these circumstances, the mediation process could involve children as Max and Ann are open to hearing what is working for the children and where they can improve as co parents.
Can children be included in the mediation process?
Your mediator will decide if Child Inclusive Mediation is right for you and your family. If the mediator believes it is suitable, they will discuss this with you, and then this will allow each of you to make a decision. Importantly you both have to agree for it to proceed.
When children participate there will be two professionals.
The first is the mediator. The second in the Child Inclusive Practitioner. Importantly they cannot be the same person. The roles that they each play are very different. The role of the Child Inclusive Practitioner is to speak to the children and report back about their wishes. They only participate in some, not all of the mediation process. When you receive this information, you then need to finish the mediation knowing the children’s wishes.
From a practical perspective, if the process includes the children, it is conducted with two practitioners – one as your mediator and the other as the Child Inclusive Practitioner. Importantly they cannot be the same person. The roles that they each play are very different. The role of the Child Inclusive Practitioner is to speak to the children and report back about their wishes. They only participate in some, not all of the mediation process. When you receive this information, you then need to finish the mediation knowing the children’s wishes.
With that information shared, you and the other parent are then left with the mediator to conduct the mediation knowing the children’s wishes.
If you would like to find out more about child inclusive mediation and whether it is suitable for your family, schedule time for us to chat today.
