Can you remember a time when you didn’t have to second-guess why someone was being nice to you? You know, those moments of genuine kindness instead of the random acts that makes you wonder, “What do they want now?” or “Why are they suddenly so nice?” These thoughts can swirl around, especially when a relationship is on rocky ground. But what if I told you it doesn’t have to be this way?
Let me share a story about Sam and Jack.
Genuine Kindness v Fake Kindness
Sam was the kind of person everyone noticed. He had a big influence at work and loved being the center of attention. For Sam, being important made him feel good, like he was “someone.” But unfortunately, this also meant he sometimes belittled others just to puff up his own ego.
Jack, on the other hand, was different. He was also a leader, but he led by example. Jack got his hands dirty and did the work, never seeking praise or recognition. He enjoyed the work itself. Sure, he had difficult conversations, as any manager does, but he handled them constructively and humbly.
One day, their manager came to them and said, “It’s time for your annual review. Your peers and staff will review you.”
Sam thought he had it in the bag. “This is no different from all the other times,” he thought. “I’ll be nice, and that’s what people will remember.” So, Sam started being overly nice and loud about it.
Jack didn’t change. He kept doing what he always did, believing the results would speak for themselves.
A week later, they received their feedback. To Sam’s surprise, the results were anything but nice.
You see, when your motivation is self-serving, people eventually see through those little acts of niceness. They start to ask, “Why? What’s in it for them?” But when you’re genuine people can tell. They can see when you are showing genuine kindness and respect. They recognise it as the real deal.
So remember, “it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice”.
And this is just one of the areas we cover in ReSet. Are you ready to ReSet your relationships?
